Dealing with Disappointment... Chapt 3

In this blog we're primarily discussing the book, "Thriving as an Artist in the Church," by Rory Noland.  If you are a member of the Worship Ministry at GCC and need a copy of the book, let me know.  Not that we won't discuss other topics on this blog, but that's our main one right now.

Chapter 3: Coping with Rejection & Failure

Anyone out there know what in the world this is about?!  The disappointment we feel as a result is not exclusive to artists alone; anyone who tries, competes, works, rises to challenges... whether it be in sports, a career, or personal relationships... knows what it feels like to fall short or to be turned down.  It's a part of the common human experience.

As artists and those who are supposedly more in touch with (not necessarily in control of) our emotions, we have all felt the sting of disappointment.  What have you done in such times?

I remember one of my early recitals as a freshman in college... I was more than prepared.  I knew the music and executed it with ease.  However, I had not calculated the "on-stage" factor.  No sooner than I pressed the first key my knee began to shake.  It continue to do so throughout the song at an ever increasing and uncontrollable rate.  My introduction to the effects of adrenaline.  Without a doubt, this pesky knee was to blame for several errors.

The song finally ended.  After a brief bow, I walked briskly off stage and straight to my truck; no waiting to listen to my fellow classmates perform, no congratulations from friends or professors.  I got in my trusty Dodge and began to drive away through those country roads in the middle of Illinois.  The whole time debating in my head the value of my existence, the validity of my calling... Perhaps I should give up music all together!

Eventually (before I got to the Indiana border) I turned around.  It finally hit me: I wanted my mother!  Well, my mom, my roommate, my fiance... someone to comfort me.  Someone who would tell me the truth while at the same time reassure me.

I learned some important lessons that night:

1. Don't make any major life-decisions in the midst of disappointment.  Your otherwise better judgement will be clouded by your emotional trauma.
   
2. Know who you can rely on for honest and supportive feedback.  Your own emotions might be turbulent, but those of a trusted friend are probably still in tact.
   
3. There isn't much to see in the middle of central Illinois in the fall except for a bunch of corn fields.
   
4. I got good marks for my playing that night after all.  It wasn't as bad as I thought.  It usually isn't.
   
5. I now had a new goal: learn how to manage my on-stage energy.  Step One--get over myself.
   

If I couldn't handle a freshman recital, I probably wouldn't be able to cut the even more excruciating recitals of the years to come.  This one experience of disappointment was going to play a role in helping me to stay true to my calling.  My "own" dreams of becoming a concert pianist was being refined and I didn't know it at the time.  God had a higher calling for me, and He was shaping me in the midst of my disappointment.